“Whoever meddles in a quarrel not his own is like one who takes a passing dog by the ears.” – Proverbs 26:17
The draw is more than the drama. If drama was all someone wanted, they’d eavesdrop and gossip, or watch reality TV. The draw to insert yourself in another person’s conflict is pride. An argument presents the delectable opportunity of standing above as judge. You’ll have a hard time maintaining the image of yourself as a wise and lofty judge when it’s your own argument—when another person is in your face, accusing you of being wrong, foolish, and selfish. It’s another story when it’s someone else’s business.
The trouble is, adjudicating a passing argument is an act of playing God. Those don’t go well. We recklessly overlook not only our own ignorance and bias, but also the reality that as another sinner thrown into the mix, we run a high probability of making things worse. It’s like seeing a dog pass by and thinking, You know what will make this world better today? If I grab this guy by his ears.
Perhaps somewhere, at some point in history, some person has been helped by reading an argument on an internet thread. I’ve yet to hear of such a thing, but who knows? Perhaps someone’s cleverly timed meme or nuanced rant has moved the needle in another person’s mind, settling some matter of political or social weight.
This proverb, though, should lead us to consider the likelihood of the opposite—you will incite and increase the damage—with you falling as the first victim. Jesus will one day judge every word, action, and motive (2 Timothy 4:1; Matthew 12:36). He’s the only one equipped to do this.
If you follow Jesus’ lead, you’ll see he was not conflict averse. But he dealt directly with people who argued with him, and he sought their salvation above all. Jesus, judge of the whole world, shunted aside a man’s call for him to weigh in on an inheritance dispute. He responded, “Man, who made me a judge or arbitrator over you?” (Luke 12:14) He pressed brushed aside the litigation to seek the man’s soul: “Take care and be on your guard against all covetousness” (Luke 12:15).
Being a good friend means entering into that person’s conflict and relational stress—otherwise you’re talking sports and weather. You should listen, offer wisdom, empathy, and perspective. You should look at issues of the heart and soul and bring those to God. But “meddling” goes beyond that. It’s when you’re sidling in as an arbitrator. That’s when you’re grabbing a dog’s ears. If you’re like me, your hands are plenty full trying to arbitrate conflict you wish you weren’t a part of.
Paul admonishes the Thessalonians that as a Christian, you should “aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs” (I Thessalonians 4:11). If you find that call challenging, you may want to examine the nagging weakness of the Thessalonians—idleness. When your plate is full of your own work and service, you’ll find more than enough conflict.
What happened to forgiveness and how do we recover it?
Gospel-Centered Discipleship just published an article I wrote for them “Am I Defined by Who I Am or What I Do?“
Here’s an excerpt:
“If identity is encompassed by actions and you are only what you do, then you don’t ask for forgiveness; you do better. Or explain it away. You don’t forgive others; you grade them. Or cut them out.”
Check out my interview with Rebecca McLaughlin on “What exactly is an identity in Christ?” on Confronting Christianity
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