Don’t Be Stingy-Generous

“Do not eat the bread of a man who is stingy; do not desire his delicacies, for he is like one who is inwardly calculating. “Eat and drink!” he says to you, but his heart is not with you. You will vomit up the morsels that you have eaten, and waste your pleasant words.” – Proverbs 23:6-8

I moved down South for my first job after college. Shortly after, I was talking to a middle-aged couple after church. Towards the end of the conversation, the husband said, “You’ve got to come to our house for lunch some Sunday after service.” Eager to make connections, I asked whether this Sunday was good, or they would prefer a little later. I honestly do not remember whether I ended up joining a group lunch some Sunday or not. What I do remember is that it became immediately clear he did not have the slightest intention that I might actually accept such an offer.

I understand better now the social mores of life in the South, but I would suggest that this custom—so far as it is a formality—is not a good one. The truth is, though, we all have similar habits where we find ourselves offering much more than we plan to give. It’s the “call me if you need anything” feel-good line. I feel good and the call never comes.

The question is—why? Why does the stingy man in this proverb offer food and drink in the first place if he doesn’t want someone taking it?

The Ancient Near East placed high value on hospitality, increasing the temptation for someone to make a show of generosity for one of two purposes: to gain power over someone (so you could ask for return favors), or to feel good about yourself and look good to others, thereby boosting your social status.

Much remains the same in America today. The pressure to extend lip-service hospitality or faux-generosity comes much stronger in culturally Christian areas for similar reasons. As Christians, we know we should be generous. We hear radical gospel living should come with a housekey. So, instead of taking baby steps toward stretching our hospitality in genuine ways that come most naturally to us, we often snatch at splashy gestures that have the highest chance of being seen but represent the lowest real cost. We practice a calculated generosity in hopes of getting the highest spiritual bang for our material buck.

The answer is not a fuller social calendar. Growth comes through stretching outside your comfort zone, but “God loves a cheerful giver” (2 Corinthians 9:7). It’s better to be honest about your selfishness than disingenuous about your hospitality—let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No’ (Matthew 5:37).

Increasing your capacity for generosity comes from receiving more, or more precisely, being more aware and less abashed about our receiving. God gives freely all day, every day. He makes his sun shine on the good and the evil (Matthew 5:45). Your salvation is a free gift of God (Romans 6:23). He doesn’t want us to stop there, but urges us to glut ourselves on his goodness like Thanksgiving dinner. “Come, everyone who thirsts, come to the waters; and he who has no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without price” (Isaiah 55:1). There’s no room for accounting within God’s generosity because there’s nothing we can pay back.

Living up to socio-cultural-churchy expectations may increase giving, but won’t remove stinginess. Growing more comfortable with constant receiving from God opens a dam of generosity in our hearts.

What do you do if you find yourself overcommitted?

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