The Midlife Crisis Is Dead. All Hail the Daily Midlife Crisis

A number of years ago, I asked my guys’ group whether anyone had seen someone go through a mid-life crisis. Half of those under thirty didn’t know what that was. That’s not because men in their fifties have stopped leaving their families and buying motorcycles, but because “midlife crisis” belongs to all of us, all the time.

Forbes has resources for your “quarter-life crisis.” I prefer the country song “Mid-Twenties Crisis” by Dylan Marlowe on his 2024 album with the same title:

“Why am I comparing myself to everyone else?
It feels like I’ve lost all control of my mind
‘Cause my mental health has gone down the well
And I couldn’t wish it back if I tried
Maybe it’s a phase I’m going through
The only explanation left to use
I think I’m going through a mid-twenties crisis
I’m twenty-seven and it feels like my life is
Flying by and I don’t know where the time has gone
And I still can’t tell if I’m one step ahead or one step behind”

Then, after he’s berated himself for constantly playing the comparison game:

“I’m the only one of my friends without a car seat
Sitting in the backseat of my truck
And lately I’ve been further from Jesus than I’ve ever been.”

The trouble is, I wish this kind of crisis was something that only happened in your twenties. Your twenties are a particularly challenging decade, but personally, I experience a mid-whatever crisis at least once a week. What am I doing? Should I have been somebody different? Did I miss some crucial decision years back – a turn in the road I should have taken? Have I wasted my life?

Marlowe has pinpointed two directions that characterize this generation-spanning identity crisis: an inward dive into comparison and a drift away from relating to Jesus.

The apostle Paul points us toward the solution. When writing on marriage versus singleness, he holds back from comparing. He refuses to dictate to others the single life that he has found such a blessing. He writes: “Only, let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him” (I Corinthians 7:17).

Identity Crisis Anchors

There are two identity anchors in that verse that can bring you through a crisis:

1. You have to lead the life the Lord has assigned. One life. Every day, there’s a hundred different “lives” you could have lived. You’d have a different life if you’d gotten up five minutes later, if you hadn’t wasted five minutes on social media, if you lingered in that conversation instead of rushing to the next thing.
   
   But you only have one life. We live in a universe, not a multiverse. That means there’s no way to see what an alternate life would look like, so don’t imagine too hard. Imagining alternate lives works like nostalgia. You see the good parts and obscure the bad. It’s not reality.
   
   
2. The Lord has assigned and called you to this life. That doesn’t mean you have no agency. It means you can relax. If you know you belong to a good God who loves you and who sees all things (including alternate lives), you can trust that He’s not depriving you.
   
   Ground yourself in the story of Joseph, or even the dismal ending of John the Baptist. There’s always different decisions you could make, but none of those are throwing off God’s plan. He will accomplish his best purposes in your life. The best life anyone can live is to walk closer with Jesus as he does this.