“Why should you be intoxicated, my son, with a forbidden woman and embrace the bosom of an adulteress? For a man’s ways are before the eyes of the Lord, and he ponders all his paths.” – Proverb 5:20-21

Why would you have an affair? That might sound like a rhetorical question, but history teaches us otherwise. Cheating men and women didn’t start as children believing an affair was justifiable if you drifted apart. Even in the midst of an affair, most people struggle to drown out the condemning voice of conscience. So why does it happen?

Sin is insanity, but it never comes without its reasons. Rationalizing promiscuous behavior must begin with an attack on the second half of this proverb: “a man’s ways are before the eyes of the Lord, and he ponders all his paths.” In order to live with yourself while flaunting God’s rules, you need to start by disbelieving in God, or blocking him out. Perhaps you can recreate a heavily revised version of a god who merely smiles and snoozes.

When you absent God from his all-knowing, righteously-judging role, you are free to pursue the whims and passions of a moment. There is no one but you. There is no judge but you. Why would you deny yourself the smallest pleasure if you have but one life and no one to answer to?

Living aware of God’s watchful eye brings us to repentance and dependence. Your life is not concealed. There are no private corners in God’s world. This brings you back to the table with a different reckoning of your cost-benefit analysis. It’s not as if an adulterous connection has no value—if adultery was like packing yourself into a hot oven, no one would do it. Adultery is more like trying to get your summer tan in a single sunscreenless day at the beach. It will feel good for a short window, and give you a little of what you want, but your body will pay the bill. It’s a pathway for the reckless and insane.

Knowing that God watches and ponders your ways won’t be enough. Who is this God? Is he a mirthless sexual Scrooge? Does He sit on a throne of melted dreams? If so, you won’t care what He ponders, so long as He leaves you alone. If, on the other hand, God is an open-handed giver and a sacrificial lover, who gave himself up for you on the cross, you will care what He thinks of you as he watches you hour by hour.

You will begin to see the rebellious indulgences of the world as cheap thrills. As you reorient your reality to account for God as He is—infinitely gracious and unwaveringly just—the question “Why would you have an affair?” will become rhetorical, but in the right direction. It will be a matter of Do I want to firebomb everything good in my life? Or do I want to hold on to the source of life?